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Friday, March 20, 2015

postpartum confessions

Pregnancy for me was really a roller coaster of emotions be it shock, excitement, happiness, fear you name it!  so many ups and downs too many in one single day at times!  I have some confessions to make. Looking back some of them seem silly to me now but oh so real and strong emotions at the time.
  • I cried lots and lots all through  the entire pregnancy.  I learned we were expecting at 5 weeks. Early enough to have plenty of time to shed tears.  Like every time Javier would say "what are we going to do now?" but then again he did that with all of our pregnancies so I should have know better that the man was only freaking out. Thank goodness that stage for him was over soon or I really would have cried every single day!!  I cried when reading about the stages of labor thinking "I have to go through that again?? I also cried at the dentist, if you recall.  I cried when we made the decision to leave our home and temporarily move to San Diego. Heck TV made me cry.  Even after Emma was born I cried when breastfeeding wasn't going as planned :(  I had to introduce my expressed milk in a bottle to her and she gulped it so fast that it only broke my heart...hormones working at their best.
  • I napped a lot!  Napping is really one thing I have never done.  I hardly ever find the time to nap even when I am sick, but this time around I found myself so tired during the morning hours that I just found myself napping in order to continue the day...I almost felt guilty I must confess almost but not quite to be honest I really enjoyed it...
  • My belly popped out pretty early, I was really surprised.  I found myself checking out other ladies bellies.  Sometimes it was easy to tell if it was a pregnant belly.   I always wondered how far along were they?, what was their due date?
  • I downloaded this pregnancy app called 'I'm expecting' from MedHelp I spent most of my afternoons browsing through the forums.  There were divided into age categories starting from 18 yrs plus (even there were 15 and 16 year old girls posting that they were pregnant!) I mostly visited the pregnancy social and the 35+ pregnancy forums.  I wasn't very active on it I mostly read the posts some of them were kind of like Jerry Springer fun because the younger ladies would post trying to find out their ovulation date because they needed to know who their baby daddy was this guy or the other??  what?? how would someone else know who your baby daddy is?  Ladies in their 40's and plus asking for advice in how to get pregnant.  Other ladies throwing a fit because of gender disappointed!! OMG drama drama :/  In my hours of insomnia this little app helped me pass the time.
  • Since I learned it was a girl that I was expecting I started browsing the baby's department and gear specially the clearance section. Who doesn't love to shop for a baby?  I love to find a good bargain on clothing even if I have to store it in a plastic tub for 2 years :)
  • Every Sunday afternoon when we drove to San Diego we stopped at MacDonalds where I enjoyed a Double cheeseburger and a caramel sundae.  It was my craving!  All that changed when the glucose testing started even way before they diagnosed the GD.  MickeyD was my guilty pleasure :(
  • Once GD kicked in I kept a food journal, it was very overwhelming at first I've never had to count carbohydrates before.  Water became my best friend!  I wasn't allowed milk or fruit before noon and I learned how much a whole banana raised my glucose levels.  Planning my meals became easier with time and practice.  Confession time right?  well I did have a small piece of cake at my baby shower very tiny tiny one and later during that day I didn't test my glucose :/  After Emma was born I would glance and every restaurant sign and giggle wow I can have that now!  I was ready to eat.  I also walked a lot, I mean a lot.  I walked before Xavi's school started and before he got out of school people started asking me when was I due since they saw me walk every day!
  • I constantly thought about the people that I left behind when we did the temporary move. Of course my neighbors knew about our situation, besides that I don't really have a lot of friends in town but the people I know from the kids' school wondered what the heck happened to us?  Since our decision was so sudden I didn't have time to explain or give details.  Now we are back with our new family addition and glad to see them again.
  • I loved my Doctor and nurse!  I had a great experience at the hospital.  Everyone was so nice I mean everyone!
  • Finally, I asked God for forgiveness for being mad a him 5 yrs ago when our last attempt to get pregnant failed. Yeah  I was pretty upset and wasn't understanding or accepting his way I just wasn't taking it.  I must confess I even doubted him.  He had failed me when I had put all my trust in him.  Big lesson it's his way and not ours!  His timing and not ours!
To finalize this long post...sorry :( I'd like to share these pictures.  Emma was born on a Thursday and the following Sunday it poured then the biggest and most beautiful rainbow appeared.  After the storm comes the rainbow right?  I am so thankful that God sent me a beautiful and healthy child.  Bonus, rainbow pictures is one more item checked off my bucket list which I am running behind gotta get working on it :)

Have a great weekend and a Happy Spring!


  1. Hi Claudia,
    I can't even begin to imagine what your experience was like especially thinking that another pregnancy was not going to happen. It is so amazing that it did! Crying and napping sound quite normal. :) Another congratulations to you crossing another item off your bucket list! The rainbow is beautiful and symbolic!

  2. All those hormones do wicked things to your body, don't they! Still, you have your beautiful Emma now and I have no doubt that more wonderful things are on their way to your door.

    Yay for being able to eat again!

  3. oh the hormones! I had severe postpartum both times, but didn't realize it the first time around. Everything seemed to set me off and cry. It took months for me to push through to the other side. But as you know, it gets better. And while it might seem silly in hind sight - it feels so real while you're in it.Sounds like things are righting themselves with you - so happy to hear it! And you have your beautiful new baby girl in your arms. Enjoy the rainbow


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